


(Our) Path

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Feelings, M/M, Song fic, but happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Emotions were a weakness, he wasn’t allowed to cry. Don’t feel. And he was amazing at it - hiding his true feelings because he managed to convince even himself that they didn’t matter. Lying to himself to that degree that he didn’t even realise how much he was suffering. How much he needed to be happy. How much he wanted to be happy and all it took was one person.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	(Our) Path

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not one to write a song fic, but this song just spoke to me today. I've known it for over a decade and it's beautiful. Please check it out here if you're in the mood: [Michiyuki by Kaori Hikita](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwoG2kIEeoY)
> 
> I translated the lyrics, hopefully correctly? I hope to make my ex senseis proud lol.
> 
> Idk, it's a sad, but beautiful and powerful song.
> 
> Thank you for listening to my rambling. Enjoy the fic <3

_Even if you hug me until it hurts,_

_we can never become one._

_In a place that is deeper than gentleness,_

_touching each other causes only pain._

_Please, bind the two of us together._

  
  


There was a place in time when Alec didn’t really find much sense and meaning in his existence. All that he was expected to do was to follow the rules that were hammered into him since he was a child. Be a good brother, be a good son, be a good warrior. Bring pride to the family. Never waver. Be strong. Feelings and emotions? They didn’t matter. That shouldn’t matter for a soldier. He was a man, he was the oldest one in the family, so he was always expected to be stoic. To be strong. 

Emotions were a weakness, he wasn’t allowed to cry. Don’t feel. And he was amazing at it - hiding his true feelings because he managed to convince even himself that they didn’t matter. Lying to himself to that degree that he didn’t even realise how much he was suffering. How much he needed to be happy. How much he wanted to be happy and all it took was one person. 

One word. 

One gaze.

One smile.

One name.

Magnus Bane.

Magnus sparked something inside of him, he sparked up a feeling that he didn’t know that he could ever feel before. And that was love. Longing for a happy life. He wanted to find love even if he wasn’t supposed to. And that… _hurt._ It hurt knowing that he could never have that. He knew what the expectations for him were ever since he was young - find a woman, marry her, have kids. That was it. The sheer thought of hugging, touching… kissing a man _hurt._ Because he knew that he could never have that. 

It made him so fucking lonely. 

_It will become our reality,_

_In uncertainty we will join our hands._

_We walk down the path,_

_Towards the cruel dawn_

  
  


Alec would imagine how amazing it would be to hold Magnus’ hand, how amazing it would be to have someone with him that would help him carry the burden that was being put onto his shoulders every single day. They were days when Alec couldn’t handle it anymore - that was when he decided to visit Magnus. It was in the heap of the moment, he knew it, he knew that he shouldn’t be going over to his place, but he couldn’t not to.

There was something that Magnus said on the day that they first met, Alec knew that Magnus had answers that he was searching for for such a long time. He felt at ease with Magnus, he felt safe. There was something that told him that he knew exactly what he was going through and even though he knew that he could never have a serious relationship with Magnus, he still allowed himself to think how amazing it would be to be so brave. To be brave enough - like Magnus.

Magnus was the bravest person that he knew, he didn’t care what others thought about him and he was always so well-polished. He looked completely unbothered by the world, but he could see that there was something more to him. There was deep sadness behind his eyes. _Hurt._ Pain.

Loneliness.

Loneliness that Alec knew all too well. 

_The truth is surely to come out,_

_Somewhere in the true world._

_But left unspoken,_

_Hiding,_

_Even now for sure._

It was hard to keep those feelings away. Alec tried hiding them away, but he also knew that the truth always found a way out. The true words never stayed hidden, they were always there, lurking somewhere among the people around him. And that scared him, he didn’t know if he could trust himself. But he was so scared. He wished he could tell Magnus how much he cared for him. 

How much he wanted a future with him, a chance to be happy, but he was too scared. Just even thinking about it scared him too much, but as time passed...

  
  


_In order to know the loneliness,_

_I met you._

  
  


Loneliness was too much for Alec. The sheer thought of not being able to have what Jace and Clary had - that happiness… it killed him. And that was when he was slowly starting to shift towards gathering up the courage and telling Magnus. There was something in his eyes that made him see that he shouldn’t be afraid. 

Loneliness.

Alec could easily see that Magnus was no stranger to it. Both of them were broken, lonely yet… _longing._ Longing for a new chance. Alec was longing for his first chance in love and Magnus was longing for a new chance in love. All they needed to do was to open their hearts. 

  
  


_We won’t know for sure,_

_Until we exchange a kiss._

  
  


Alec took that chance to keep the loneliness away. He took the chance to finally do something for himself, ignoring what society and people around him were expecting for him. Just like the others he deserved to be happy.

And that was when he knew it - this was right. Being with Magnus. No matter how much others told him that it wasn’t. It was something that he wanted. And Magnus wanted him.

  
  


_And now I am trembling with joy_

_For meeting you._

_Please, protect my heart._

  
  


Magnus showed him what true love was. Alec trusted him with his whole heart, ignoring all of the rumours that people were trying to poison him with. He wouldn’t listen to them because he knew that Magnus would never break his heart. Even when he didn’t know him yet that well enough he knew that Magnus was different. And he owed him so much. Magnus brought joy and colour back into his life. He made him appreciate so many new things. Alec knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but he didn’t care. With Magnus by his side.

  
  


_It will become our reality,_

_We cannot run into a warm place,_

_But we are sure to win against the cruel dawn_

_And abandon the quietness._

_We will find the correct words,_

_One day for sure._

  
  


And it wasn’t easy - the two of them had to endure a lot of hardships, but they fought for their happiness no matter what. There was no more darkness if it was the two of them together. With Magnus by his side Alec felt invincible and he managed to change the stoic world that he lived in. 

Alec _married_ Magnus Bane. 

  
  
  


_Please shine upon a path_

_That is only ours._

  
  
  



End file.
